Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Table for one, please.

Being me has always been hard to say the least. I've always been a chubby, funny looking kid. I'm agonizingly shy. Worst of all, I'm painfully kind and gentle. I've always made it my mission to please others. I never ask for anything in return. This makes for a lot of awkward situations. I would go to the ends of the earth for my friends and family. I'm not quite sure how many would do the same for me. I assume it's only right, but I'm a realist and don't expect anything from anyone. When someone does show good will towards me, they are golden. They never have struggle alone again if I'm around. Anything they need is done. It's sad because most people don't even notice my efforts. The ones that do, either don't care, are creeped out or tell me to stop. This type of existence is conducive to chronic loneliness. I work. I go the gym. I cook. I do laundry. All by myself. I struggle everyday. Nobody ever notices or offers any help. When I do ask for help, they look at me funny or make up excuses. When I see them struggling, I drop everything to help them. Sometimes I just wanna be jerk, tell the world to fuck off. I always wonder how things would be if I wasn't there. I assume that no one would notice I was gone. I think people would notice when things stopped just happening. They didn't realize how much I really contribute to there comfort-ability. I will never know how it is not to struggle. How it is not to worry. How it is to be taken care of or appreciated. I'm not bitter, I'm just being honest with myself. My life is 'a table for one' If I'm hungry, I have to cook. If my clothes are dirty, I have to wash it. If I'm tired, I have to finish my work, before I can rest my head. When I'm hurt, I have take care of myself. Do I complain, why? I keep on doing what's best. I sit at my table for one, eat my food, drink my wine and plot my next move.

No comments:

Post a Comment