Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. The older I get the richer my history becomes. I'm an average guy but when you hear about all my adventures you may not see me in the same light. In the story of my life there is a good guy and a bad guy and I play both. Depending on who you ask, you'll get a different perspective of the kind of person I am. I've been at the bottom, and have seen the top but have never been able to convince the masses that I belong there.
I was destined for greatness once. The last of both of my parents children. I had the unfair advantage out of all my siblings to be raised by my parents together. That was the first time I became the bad guy, even though I had no control over who my parents were. I was born. Next thing you know we're on our way to a better life in the United States of America. So now advantage number 2, I get to grow up in the land of opportunity. I get to learn English as my first language and be educated in the American public school system. What is my damn problem in going to school where my parents settled down and learning the language that is spoken by my educators and classmates
Stop. At this moment in my life, I still had a promising future. I still had the possibility of one day becoming a lawyer or a doctor. Instead I wanted to become a cop. I wanted to swing a night stick, where a blue rope knit sweater, carry a revolver, a radio and wear a shiny badge. How ironic. Where we lived you didn't see many police officers. I knew drunkards, and gangsters. I was also exposed to drug culture early because of one of my dear older brothers. What they say is right, crack did hit in 88', because that's about the time he started his storied narcotic addiction. It was a step up for me, because at least I wasn't the drug addict son.
Aside from having the bad brother, I also lived with a good brother. He never drank, never smoked. He graduated from high school. I looked up to him not because of his good nature but because he was a B-Boy a Break Boy or Breakdancer. Hip Hop culture hit Langley Park about 10 years after it exploded onto the scene in the Bronx USA. To me he had the coolest shoes, clothes, hats and friends. At that tender age all I wanted to be was like him when I grew up. I'm not sure how he felt about me at the moment but since we've had our share of battles. Now I'm not so sure if I would have wanted to be like him in his current state, but can safely say that he's the sibling that has been a constant in my life.
I really can't say of those two, who influence me more. On one hand, hard drugs have been ruined for me forever from seeing what they have done to one of them. It wasn't all bad times, he was also the person that introduced me to Hector Lavoe and thus Salsa music in it's purest form. The other brother was the driving force that germinated the seed that has become my lifelong love affair with Hip Hop. Until about the age of 10 it was only the 3 of us. Little did I know that my household would multiply and leave me fighting for the affection of my parents.
I always knew that I had other brothers and sisters, but since they lived in other countries they never impacted my life until they came to live with us. I was no longer the center of my families existence. Suddenly my problems didn't matter and worst of all I had to share my room and my toys. They hated me from day one. For many reasons, mainly because they saw me as the person that took their father away from them.
The first one I met was cool because we were only a few years apart, so I could relate to him. Since he only spent the summers with us and the school year with his mom out West, I got to spend the better times with him. The pool, carnivals, movies and family time. This went on for a few years, then he never came back. I was looking forward to being a freshman in High School when he was senior, but he decided to finish school in L.A. Since those days, he has made is life in California. He has grown apart from us and estranged from our father. I've tried to maintain a relationship with him, but he doesn't seem to want one. It hurts because I've had little to no relationship with my nephews who may never get to know this side of the family.
No comments:
Post a Comment