The reality is I'm a work in progress. I'm not quite sure what I am progressing to. Living from check to check is the worst. I have two cars that take turns running. I live in a big house that I can barely afford to live in. I work every weekend and holiday. When I take vacations I stay at home and watch tv.
My earliest ambition was to be just like my dad. In my eyes my dad was Superman. He was strong, smart, and "wealthy". I figured because we had everything we needed, my parents were rich. They had credit cars and traveled home every year.
When I was in second grade I wanted to be a police officer. I wanted carry a badge and a gun. I wanted to catch the bad guys. Later in life my ambition was to be a crooked cop. I wanted to become a cop so I could use my badge and gun to take money from drug dealers and other criminals. At some point I figured being a bad guy would pay off better then being a good guy. My focus became to want to be a gangster. I wanted to extort people and take what I wanted. Now I would settle somewhere in between. I now want to be a vigilante when I grow up. I want to "clean" the street of the criminals that the police knows are in operation but are afraid to shut down.
Later on in my childhood I wanted to be a chef when I grew up. I used to watch Yan Can Cook and Justin Wilson (I garontee!!) on PBS. I would be amazed by the way they made food look like fun. I imagined growing up to be a gourmet chef with a white hat. I pondered culinary school but never followed through. I have several friends that graduated from culinary school and have said it didn't give them in advantage in the workforce. I have worked in kitchens and around food for half of my adult life, so I've picked techniques up along the way. As a dad and husband I love to cook. I'm always watching the Food Network and Cooking Channel. I stay online looking for recipes. I love to slowcook the most. Everyone says I'm pretty good. I say I don't know how to cook, but it comes out that way because I do it with love.
At one point I wanted to be a lawyer. When I started going to Catholic University of America in 1997 the plan was to graduate then go to law school. As you know it didn't go as planned. What I wouldn't give to go back to school and do it right this time. I actually want to do that very soon. My wife graduates in March then it will be my turn to go back.
Now that I look at what I was, could've become, and what I am I realize that I did pretty good for myself. I inevitably ended up becoming my father. I became the leader of a family. I work hard eveyday to provide the necessary. I have a great relationship with my daughter just like my dad had with me. I'm proud to say that I'm just like him even though I know he wants me to be better then him. If it were up to him I would've stayed in school and got my law degree. I will someday fullfill his prophecy. Maybe not law, but I will have a degree and not have to struggle anymore. Coincidentally my dad did do some of the things I wanted to. He was head of personal security to the president of the Central Bank of America. He carried a gun and had a team of bodyguards that protected the president's family and other bank officials. They were like the secret service. My father is also a fantastic cook. I think I cook because he cooked when I was a kid. I used to love helping him and eating with him, just like my daughter does with me.
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