Monday, February 6, 2012

Day 37 (Love and Marriage)

Time sure does fly when your having fun. It's already February 6th. That means that Valentine's day is about a week away. Better yet, Star Wars' Episode I re-release in 3D comes out on Friday. Even better yet, I begin my vacation in 5 weeks. I can't wait to be on vacation this year. I've decided to start working on improving my life and my relationships.


With the new year I made the decision to start living a better life. To enjoy every moment and do what makes me happy. With that I vowed to strengthen my relationship's with my wife, daughter, parents, family and close friends. Sometimes being a husband, father, son, cousin and best friend is difficult. I try to do the best I can. It seems that no matter what you do, you always neglect someone or something. Recently I've been analyzing my relationships and the relationships that surround me.

One of my married friends, from the my vantage point lives the good life. He and his wife make a good living. They share a spacious home with their children. They wear designer clothes and drive designer cars. Their home is elegantly furnished and decorated. With all that I can't help but have a feeling that things aren't as hunky dory as they seem. I compared their situation to mine, I barely make ends meet, I rent a humble single family home and drive a 20 year old wreck. With all those factors, I'm relatively happy and seldom argue with my wife. Even though they have everything I still detect a tinge of chaos just below the surface.

Then I have a friend that is unmarried. He lives with his girlfriend that is 20 years his senior. On the surface they seem to be happy. The problems come when he suspects that she is messing around. He doesn't trust her in the least bit. He has even gone as far as to say that he would marry her only after she took a lie detector test. The kicker is that he is a perpetual cheater. He will have sex with any woman willing to oblige him at any time. I don't understand. He very well knows that it's a double standard. He wants her to not even talk to other men, but he wants to continue sleeping around behind her back. That is some twisted logic.

I recently had to step back an re-evaluate my own relationship. This March we will have been together for 10 years. In September we will celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. Wow that's was quick. I was thinking about the first time I traveled to Southern Virginia to meet her Grandmother. Not many years later still some of my fondest memories. In recent times, life and the struggle has turned me into a zombie. I work, eat, facebook, blog, and sleep. My wife sleeps, cleans, keeps the kid in line, and keeps her fingers crossed that she will be offered a job for once. I noticed that our sex life became close to extinct. I wanted to make it entirely her fault, so I wrote her a letter. She wrote me back. I quickly realized that this is a fifty fifty partnership. I didn't realize that I had been neglecting her just like I felt that she had been neglecting me. I would overlook the things she did around the house to break the monotony. She, instead of bringing them to my attention would feel shunned by my oblivious manner. So to compensate would deprive me.

With the truth came dialogue. You need to talk to your partner. You need to know what they need from you and you need to give it to them. Just because she is always home, doesn't mean that you don't have to help out with the laundry and cleaning. Just because she does it, doesn't mean she loves to do it. You have to make your partner feel loved and appreciated all of the time. There is nothing like doing your best and not knowing that someone is noticing. I felt unappreciated a lot of times but never took the time to thank her for everything she does for me and our daughter. Now I hope to renew our relationship and have more fun and less stress.

To begin with I don't bring work home. I leave work at work. If I get a call, I answer it, but in a tone that they know that I am being inconvenienced and I answer the question then cut it short. I also try to have at least one complete conversation a day. Not involving work, the kid or TV. We picked up a parks and recreation guide today to pick some classes to take this Spring. Something for my daughter, my wife and myself. When the weather stays about 60 or when my vacation starts (which ever comes first) my wife and I will begin to walk to become more active. I hope to then change our eating habits and motivate her to jog with me. We both can stand to lose a few pounds. I think it will make us healthier, more energetic, bring us closer and help us in the boudoir. I also plan to do more things that our daughter can enjoy. Just because we're not swimming in the dough, doesn't mean we can create meaningful memories and enjoy each others company. This is the year I stop "struggling" Money may always be tight, but with a bit of heart and creativity I will show my ladies how much I love them.

No comments:

Post a Comment