The time of the day when I start getting ready for work is 6ish. I have to sleep at least 7 hours to be rested enough to deal with a another day at the shop. Being in a new situation has been harder then I imagined it. I feel like I haven't been able to live up to people's expectations. I do my best and still have to deal with problems on a regular basis. When my cell phone rings, my heart drops and I hesitate to answer it. I've burned through my minutes in the past week with calls from my boss. I even started turning it off on my days off because I couldn't take the anxiety of what he was going to say to me.
Yesterday we all got together as a group. Many things were said and set straight. I think that I had overestimated my lack of performance. I realize how much these guys truly rely on me and trust my judgement. On the other hand I really feel like my boss trusts me to do my job. He is really pushing me to take over. He wants to be on his way up the latter within the next six months. This means that he wants me to be ready to fill his shoes.
I used to think I wasn't ready. I've never felt as much pressure in my job as I have in the past 2 months. Everything I do gets questioned. The old me would crack under the pressure. The new me takes it with stride. I realize that the boss is trying to get my mind set to change. He wants me to start looking at the big picture. He also wants to motivate me to realize that the time is now. I won't know when I will be ready to take over. It just needs to happen. I have lead this team to where it needs to be. He's given me free range to make decisions. It's a bit scary because I don't want to fail. I want to succeed. He is totally aware that I will make mistakes, but he also hopes that I will learn from them. When he speaks to us he seems so confident. I should be that confident.
I have all the experience he has. I know as much as he does. He is stronger then I am when it comes to money making. I know more then I realize, I just have decode it to where I can understand it. I think that I will be taking that next step in my career if I pay closer attention to the details. Ain't no half stepping like the song said. I have be the boss now. I have run this business as it was my own. I need to train my men and hold them to those standards. I have to prove that the past 8 years have not been in vain. There are many people who believe that I can do it and more importantly there are a handful of people who need me to be that guy. To succeed and move to the next level. I have to do it for me, my family, and those people that vouched for me over the years. Most importantly for the people behind me that are going to need me to give them a helping hand in the future as they advance in their careers.
Tomorrow I will get up and be the man that I need to be to prove the nay-sayers wrong. I've been given a new lease on my professional life. I truly believe that this is my last chance. I will either move up or move out. When I took this opportunity I was told that they new I was capable of doing it. I was also told that there might be the slight chance that I don't have what it takes. That I may come to the conclusion that just because I am a hard worker doesn't mean I am a leader. This has haunted me since. Everyday I question why I'm here. People that have known me for years run into me now. They show this genuine joy and pride to see me at this point in my career. It reminds me that maybe I do have the something that it takes. They obviously saw it in me when they first knew me.
Look out world. The sleeping beast has risen. I have realized that I have what it takes. I know what I have to do to succeed. I will take this group of guys and make a rock solid team out of them. The ones that don't want it, will be removed. The ones that have my back and help me move to the next level will be rewarded. For their loyalty they will have earned mine. I don't want them to love me for what I do for them. I want them to love me for giving them the opportunity to grow and to broaden their professional horizons. Thank you lord for this moment of clarity. Thank you friends for your time and support.
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