I can do this

Seems like things will never change. The same thing day in day out. Everyone seems to be waiting to be rescued from this collective depression. Money doesn't exist. It doesn't buy happiness. I wanna travel the world eating fine cheese and drinking fine wines. I wanna spend a summer in Scotland making my way trough the country side sampling Scotches. Why do I have to wait to hit the winning number to do it. By the time the money transfers to my account tonight at midnight it will belong to my landlord, Verizon, and Progressive. Tomorrow I will still be broke and unhappy.


I'm tired of personifying the "why me" existence. It's time I stop waiting and start doing. The things that I'm destined to do will not happen unless I start doing them. I'm have to finish writing my dad's biography. I also have to finish revising The Protectors and shop for an ebook publisher. I need to renew my passport. I need to start living the life my girls and I deserve. Who says we can't live in London for a couple of years. My company can transfer me to their London location. My wife couple probably find a job there, way before she finds one here. An experience like that would only enhance my daughter's life story. I have to start doing for them and live my life while I still have it. I don't want to work myself to death.

Where's my pot of gold? Not at the end of any rainbow. I need to create my own pot of gold. Surviving on one income has taught me a lot of things. One it taught me that God will always provide. The second thing is that you should never sacrifice what makes you happy in order to barely make ends meet. I've paid out thousands of dollars in rent over the past year or so. Not to mention gas and other bills. For what? To live a flavorless and mediocre existence. I'm happy because God has given me the strength to keep my head up and the fortune to have encountered awesome people that inspire me to continue. With the right money management and use of free time I can give my life and family a boost.

I don't want all of my daughter's memories of me to be "dad was at work" The only thing she ever talks about is when we went to California a few years back. Since then we haven't been able to afford another plane ticket. All the money I've spent on bills could be used to see beyond the boundaries of Hyattsville. Let's try something new. I will start making adjustments in my spending without risking my health and home life. I will find an extra source of income, where I don't have to work 16 hours a day. What is the point of making all that money, if I will never be around to enjoy it. Then I will start making strides to start living a more fulfilling life. I will share my experiments and progress. I will share my triumphs and failures and God willing some cool pictures.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, or so the saying goes. One day I will die on my feet holding my knife with the same old bloody apron and meat stained boots. The people that I made all that money for and gave my all for will not care. They will replace me and keep on going. My daughter's scrap book will be empty and depressing. I want it to be full of great pictures of the fun we had. We may never have a mansion in the Hampton's or a chauffeured car, but we will have seen some of the most beautiful places imaginable and enjoyed the lives we were blessed with.