Yesterday I had my first senior moment at Target. I felt like my dad. I had a problem with everyone in the store. I was so uncomfortable.
I usually am on edge when we're in public, especially when my daughter is involved. She's a wanderer. I hate when she leaves my sight. I'm constantly calling her. It only takes a second for someone to snatch her up. I'm not having it.
Going to the store doesn't usually bother me. I go to Target at least once a week for one thing or another. We were just going in for a few things. As soon as I walk in I got this negative feeling. Partly because we had just left a restaurant and some teenage boys were arguing as we passed them walking to the car. It wasn't a fight, it was more like whining. Screaming and conflict usually makes me nervous. I had my girls and parents with me. Anything ever happens to them, especially indirectly from some knuckleheads acting a fool, I'm going to the pen.
I guess as I get older history starts to repeat itself. Anyone under 20 (that's I don't know) bothers me. I don't like how they dress, talk, look, act. They seem to have no manners or respect for anyone. Where I live it's a predominantly Hispanic and African American neighborhood. It bothers me more to see my young brothers and sisters depicting themselves like that in public. I know fashion changes, and girls feel they have to show everything. I have no control over that. I just like don't hearing your phone conversation about who fucked who, or who you gonna fight. If you see a man and his family walking towards you, show some respect, and get the fuck out of the way!!
So I was already on edge going in. While we're in there Cici (my daughter) wants to start singing. I know I shouldn't hinder her talent. It just bothers me when we're in public and she' singing at the top of her lungs. The more I ask her to please stop, the louder she sings. We make our way to toy aisle. Of course she keeps disappearing into the other aisles. I'm constantly calling her, because my anxiety grows every second I can't account for her.
Suddenly a plastic cow figurine toy comes flying over the aisle and bangs into the shelving next to us. My wife hollers out obscenities. We walk down and few aisle to look for the culprit. They were gone. The shit that pisses me off the most is that I suspect that it wasn't a kid. Some adult are stupid too.
Cici as usual is wandering around not paying attention to where she is going. She cuts of these two young "ladies". My wife tells my daughter to say excuse me. It seemed like she was saying it to the girl she cut off. My wife immediately explains she's talking to the kid. The girl smiles and says "Oh y'all OK". I was cool with her attitude about the situation. Deep down inside I was burning up though.
First of all you need to know that I have friends that are Gay, Lesbian, and Transsexuals. I have no problem with any one's sexual preference. Nowadays I've noticed more young girls and guys adopting an androgynous public persona. Young men with long hair, make up, a purse and girl clothes. Women in saggy jeans, big shirts, chains, big face watches, boy hair cuts and a fitted. None of this bothers me. I'm very open minded.
The two girls that my daughter almost bumped into fit into the androgynous lifestyle. They were about 16, with over sized baggy jeans, basketball Jerseys oversized t-shirts, long knotty dreads falling over their face and a fitted. They reminded me of Lil' Jon back in the day. I wasn't bothered by their lifestyle preference. I was bothered that when they spoke to us, they seemed like some nice sweet girls. The image I saw at first was of some tough girls. I knew it was going to pop off when I my wife interacted with them.
After that I was a bit more at ease. By then I was actually shopping and looking for things not just focused on the exits. I had stopped playing out scenarios in my mind on how I was going to safely get my family out of there in case something happens. I stopped trying to figure out what I could fashion into a weapon if I had to fight someone. Maybe the world isn't fucked up. Maybe I'm just making too much of it. I'm very laid back and respect everyone. Sometimes I just don't trust anyone.
Overall I think that I just realized that the world is changing around me. I'm not relevant anymore. I really don't want to be though. I just want people to be respectful of each other. I've lived in and around the "hood" all of my life. For the most part I've never had problems with anyone. There have been times where things have happened around us, but never to us. All I know is that I'm ready for anything, don't try me.
No comments:
Post a Comment