Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking. Unfortunately two people that are near and dear to me are stuck in similar unbearable situations. I'm not a supporter of divorce. I think that once you make that promise you have to keep it. I also hate infidelity. However once someone cheats they forfeit there rights and say in the direction of the marriage.
Imagine giving someone a third of your life for them to throw it all away over sex. In the end I think it's always about sex. People seem to get bored with what they got and gravitate towards more. When you spend your entire marriage trying to buy your mates affection, things like this tend to happen. Buy a nice house. Two new cars in the drive way. Yearly family vacation with all the kids. You pay all the bills. All you ask for in return is respect.
Instead you find out the other person is seeing someone else. Worse, it's nothing new. It wasn't a one night stand or moment of weakness. It's actually a full fledged relationship. They've been seeing each other behind your back for months. The more engaged your spouse becomes, the less they take care of you and your family. The house is always messy. There is never food when you come home from work. Not only do you have to cook dinner, after that you have to wash clothes. Everywhere you go, the kids tag along. Not only because the other person wants to left alone. Also because the kids know that with you, they will eat and be given attention.
What makes the situation the worse? Not that the person you vowed to love forever is giving your love to someone else. The worst part is the fact that they start to find fault in you. They use your emotional attachment, and will to please, to turn the tables and reprimand you. Not only are they betraying you they are also getting kicks from treating you like a child. Your behind on your mortgage because you took a lavish vacation to win them back. Little did you know that they were planning on going alone to meet with their significant other. Your presence single handily spoiled their plan.
Self doubt sets in. You know that your marriage is on the rocks. Instead of blaming them, you blame yourself. You think of ways that you are lacking. You give give and give. All the while they are laughing at you. You look for advice from friends and family. All you want to do is fix it. Maybe for the children's sake. Maybe because you don't want to feel like a failure or be alone.
Until that one day that you find out. It could be a picture you find. Or maybe someone that knows and has more regard for you then them and tells you. How cynical is this person, that when you confront them with the picture they ask if you think the person is attractive. Or if the person that tells you about it is your child. They were taking on an outing to meet and mingle with significant others children.
This has to be traumatizing to the children. How bad is it thea your kids are telling them to leave or show disapproval. I would feel terrible if my daughter asked me, "How can you do this?" If a 10 year old knows they are doing wrong, why can't they see it. All they care about is themselves. As a parent you can't be selfish. How can they stand there and say, "I'll leave but I'm gonna take so and so" So let me get this straight. You cheat on me, admit to it, agree to leave, but only want one of the children. Are the others are less important? It always seems to be the youngest that gets chosen. I guess they figure since they are young, they won't remember how they screwed you.
It's a terrible situation for all involved. What's so hard in saying, "I'm done" Instead I'm going to start a whole other relation with someone else. That is so disrespectful. I think that the guilty party should loose are their rights. The custody of the children. Any money or assets too. I think it should be punishable by law. Or at least they should get a good ass whopping. I would love to be a vigilante cheater revenge enforcer. Instead of going through all the legal trouble and emotional distress. You call me, and I "take care" of the situation. Of course that would be highly illegal and sinful. For the betrayed party it would be so satisfying.
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