Try it again

So this life organization thing is kinda crazy. I've (for like the fifth time in my life) decided to get organized. I bought a planner. Started filling out upcoming dates of importance. For today I wrote in Take van to emissions inspection. So I got up bright and early and headed to the testing facility with my wife. I figured I'd get it out of the way early and be able to make the rest of my day off a productive one.


We pull up. We give the lady the forms. She tells my wife to turn the car off. Two minutes later, she gets in and turns the key. Nothing. It would not start. We tried everything. I was getting heated. The lady says, no problem. She instructs us to push it to the side and they would jump start it. I knew at the moment that it was not the battery. I knew that this was the universe telling me to go f-ck myself as usual. The nice guy at place tried a power pack. Didn't work. He even pulled his truck around and tried to jump it. That didn't work either. As he pulled up I was already dialing the only man that could get me out of this, my dad. We have a long history of him getting me out of shit that no one can explain.

After he shows up we start looking for a solution. He pulls out these old "refurbished" jumper cables. After a few tries he decides to go buy some new ones (which is amazing, because he never buys anything new, if he can help it) When he comes back we try it again, nothing. We end up switching batteries. My battery starts his car right up. His battery does nothing to fix my problem. At this point I get irate, even striking my vehicle (which hurt by the way, and left a mark, on both of us)

We decide to walk away and cool off. We go home, so my wife can get the other car and pick up the kid from school. After lunch we head back out. Armed with a hammer, a flashlight and a 2 by 4. My plan is to call a tow truck. His plan is to beat "it" into submission, the starter that is. We try everything we can and still nothing. He ends up calling a mechanic friend. He refuses to pay one thin dime to a tow truck driver until someone checks it out and tells what it is.

It's going on 3pm (mind you we pulled up to the place at 9am) I overhear him talk to the guy and he says that he'll be there by 4. By this time of the day the pleasant over cast 70 degree day had turned into a balmy 90 degrees. We sit in the car and wait. I'm slowly getting hotter and hotter. Beads of sweat trickling down my face. Luckily I had a bottle of water in the car. Periodically, I would turn the key and nothing would happen.

I think the heat finally gets the best of me. I start noticing every button, dial, and display on the dashboard and steering wheel. Something draws my eye to the cruise control buttons. One for acceleration one for deceleration, and the cancel button. I analyze the buttons. Acceleration means go. Deceleration means slowdown. Cancel means stop, as in to stop this infernal nightmare.

I press the cancel button and turn the key. Suddenly, as if almost out of my body, I hear the engine start. My dad asked me in disbelief if that was the car. I turn to him and say yeah, it's on. From the moment the lady from the testing facility could not start it, I knew it was going to be something stupid and that it would suddenly start when I least expected it. It seems that cruise control is interfering with the ignition switch. When I got home, I turned it on and off a few times, pressing the cruise control buttons randomly just before starting the engine again. Out of 4 tries, it didn't start once. Then I pressed the button again and it cranked right up.

This is just another example on how someone or something is out to get me. I can never do anything as routine as getting an emissions inspection without going through all these changes. I concluded that this happened to me because I was trying to do the right thing. Usually I never take my cars until registration renewal time and I have to get it done. By then I probably have a suspended license plate and have to pay a bunch of money to get it done. Of course since I decided to do it on time and correctly, I get penalized by God or whoever is pulling the strings.