Evolution

When I was a the gym today, I noticed something different about myself. I was running on the treadmill and realized that I was actually enjoying it and pushing myself to the limit. About 4 months ago when I decided to drastically change my diet and start living a more active lifestyle, I didn't realize how much I would truly change.

Everyday I notice something new about myself. Not just the physical changes of losing 40 pounds. I feel my mind has transformed. The way I see the world and the way I see challenges in my life. Four months ago I would get discouraged when watching my elderly nemesis jump on the treadmill and sprint for 30 minutes without missing a step. Now I go in there jump on the treadmill and run without thinking about the weight I still have to lose or that I still jiggle. I'm not doing it to prove a point anymore, I'm doing it because I enjoy it. 

Things that used to bring me down or worry me are irrelevant now. It's not that they aren't important, but I know that I can't fix everything. I know that I put my all into everything I do, but that it will almost never come out the way I wish it would. It's healthy to have high expectations of yourself. The problem is when you compromise your true self to fulfill someones else's skewed notion of the way things should be. The way I see it, if I haven't seen you accomplish it or gotten concrete information from you on how to succeed, how can you stand there and shake you head at me? No one is perfect. I never said I was. I will give my all, within the realm of what is possible, but I will not degrade myself to give you self-satisfaction.

I'm looking beyond the window these days. There is a window in front of my kitchen sink. When I was a dish I look out at the world. It's pretty but I don't dare go out into it. Now I want to go out into the world. I want to live. I don't want to waste my time worrying about things I can't control anymore. I want to do more things that make me happy. I want to meet interesting people and have intelligent conversations. I want see places I've never seen before. I want to challenge myself.

I honestly believe that I'm starting to become the person that I will be when I achieve my greatest accomplishments. I don't know how that will affect the life that I've been living in. Will the people in my life understand my want for more? Will they feel like I've changed? I don't know. 

I don't know where this new attitude will take me, but I hope I have a lot of fun, make a lot of friends and take a lot of pictures.