"Single v. Married"

People have got their own opinion on what life is better. There are pros and con's for both situations. I do however want your opinion on this. After this is posted please feel free to comment below and give me your pro or con for either side. I'll be giving my point of view, but like anything else, what's good for me may not be what's good for you. The idea for this came after I got a message from my cousin Roxy.

I also have another subject. "Single v. Married" the pros and cons of each.
I enjoy being single because obviously I don't have the major responsibilities of a married person. You have more freedom and no one to have to give answers to. On the other hand is nice to have someone to share things with and you mos def feel the "loneliness" on the holidays, valentines and special occasions.
What's good about being married?

What's good about being married? Wait a sec. Let's find out what's good about being single? From a financial perspective. You don't spend as much, since you only have to shop for one. From a tax perspective, you get less back, or sometimes even have to pay. You can also spend your money on anything you like. You don't have to feel guilty or check with anyone when you want to buy something expensive. From an emotional perspective. You don't have anyone to miss. You can date however many people you like. Mind you that comes from the point of view of someone that hasn't been single in 9 years.

What's good about being married? Being married is not the good part. There are plenty of people that are married, but are not happy. It can be for numerous reasons. They can be in an abusive relationship. Their spouse could be unattached emotionally. The person can also be in the marriage because that is what people expect. I know plenty of people that are in it for the kids. Marriage doesn't guarantee happiness.

First you have to find your own happiness. You have to love yourself for who you are. Don't look for that love to come from someone else. It's easy to be made to feel loved, when you don't know what it is in the first place. People sometimes leave that responsibility to the other person. At first, when it is new, they do a great job of that. They make you feel special because they want to impress. What happens after the newness wears off? One side feels unloved. At this point two things could happen. The couple fights until it's over. Sometimes, even at this stage, a bit of counseling could help. Maybe not a visit to the shrink, but a conversation with someone that's been through it to put it in perspective. We all know that your family means well, but sometimes instead of helping they tend to put negative ideas into your head.

Moving on. So you manage to be around this person long enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them. Let's keep it real, nobody stays together that long these days. I have friends that are happily married. I also have friends that separated and getting divorces. I also know people that have just been together for so long that the line has been blurred. They don't feel the need to make it official. I personally agree with the third situation. Why rush into things. If you love this person and can stand to live with them, non of that should matter. Plus this way nothing is a surprise to you. You already know they fart, and that they pick between their toes. You know she doesn't like it when you leave your underwear on the bathroom floor. You have seen it all after many years and have learned to accept it or managed to change it. My mom once told me about a couple that got married. This was a big deal. Both were from well to do families. A huge wedding. Not too long after moving in together, she witness something that disturbed her to the point that she moved out and eventually divorced him. What could he have done that changed her image of him in such a drastic way? She accidentally walked in on him sitting on the toilet. He was pooping, probably sweaty and making faces. She took one look and was thoroughly disgusted. True you might think, didn't she know that he pooped? A very basic human function. Of course since they never lived together and probably felt they were doing the right thing, they never got to really know each other.

One day you'll wake up and realize that you don't remember not waking up next to this person. You'll also realize that you wouldn't have it any other way. Whether you decide to just stay together or sign the papers, you should be very certain that this person is who you want to be with. Children of course make this a totally different animal, but I'll come back to that later. Now that original question changes.

What's good about being in a healthy committed relationship? First of all you have a partner. Someone that has your back in all aspects of your life. Whether it's the bills, health, or your job. As the person that has been around for a long time they have learned to detect when to step in and when to leave you alone. This person will be with you when things are good and when things are bad. Fights aren't what they used to be. You each state your point and leave it alone. You don't waste your time in screaming, cursing, and name calling. At this point you've had your share of petty fights and know that none of that fixes anything. You can have personal time without having to ask for it, or explain it. Sometimes you wanna have a drink with your friends. Maybe you want to go to the mall alone. Being in a relationship doesn't mean doing everything together. Another thing you can do is disagree. You don't have to always take their side. You can tell them they are acting irrational and they will respect your opinion. Flowers and candy not so much, do the laundry, cook, or fill up their gas tank.

Kids make a good situation better. Depending on where the parents are. Sometimes when the parents aren't on the same page they tend to use the kids to make the relationship seem better. You don't come home to them, you come home to the kids. This makes it difficult when things get out of hand. Some people use the kids as an excuse to stay together. Other turn the kids against the other parent. While you two are trying to hurt each other, the kids end up loosing. As a parent you need to put your pride aside and do what is best for the kids. If the relationship is irreparable get a separation, but make it comfortable for the children. Stop all the silly bickering and disrespectful behavior. They have enough to deal with to also have to feel guilty for the separation.

Any situation can be either good or bad. It all depends on the individuals involved. You can be alone and be happy or be in relationship and be miserable. No person or child can make you happy. You need to be happy alone to be happy with anyone else. For me marriage has been wonderful. It hasn't been easy, but I have grown a lot in the past 9 years. I wouldn't change a thing. There is no guarantee that anything would be different if I were single. I was meant to be a husband and a father. This is not for everyone. Some people cannot be faithful under any circumstance. There are others that don't know how to share or be loving. You have to figure out what kind of person you are before you bring anyone else into your world.

What's good about marriage? Marriage is only as good as the sum of it's parts. In other words, it's up to you.