If you're supposed to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Where do you keep your family? (English/Spanish) Si debes mantener a tus amigos cerca y a tus enemigos mas cerca. Donde debes mantener a tus familiares?

Family is always a touchy subject. For the most part I love my family, even the ones I don't share blood with. Loving your family doesn't necessarily mean you have to like them. right? I'm the youngest of 10 kids and I have something in common with all of them, and something I hate about most of them.



Being a brother, a son, a cousin, an uncle, and even a dad can sometimes be difficult. Do you ever get the feeling that you can't do anything right, or is that just me? The general consensus is that I can't do no wrong because I am the baby, and because both of my parents are still together. You see my father had several different children with several different women. My mom was married twice, and her first born was a product of an unplanned pregnancy. I was blessed with being the only one to be raised by both. My father was always there for all of his kids, even when he wasn't actually there. I believe and understand that this fact created animosity towards me from my siblings.


True I have always been a spoiled brat. I can't deny that. I always got everything I wanted. My parents gave the rest of the kids an opportunity to come to the states for a better life. All but two have made a life here because of my parents. My father paid for everything they needed to come here. He very well could have turned his back on them but didn't. He even paid for one of my brothers mom, brother, and step dad to come here.


I had the peculiar situation of not knowing most of my siblings until they were grown up. I grew up with one of them. The rest were at least teenagers when I met them. I'm pretty sure that at one point or another each of them hated me for some reason. I never did anything intentional to most of them, but directly or indirectly I was the cause of their negativity. Some of them took it out on my mom. I never back down from a fight. The few times that one of them disrespected my mom I only let it slide after she told me to. I forgave but will never forget and there will be a time when she won't be around to stop me.


Siblings are one thing, but cousins are a whole other group of headaches all together. I was always closer to my cousins mostly because they were closer to my age. I looked up to some of my cousins and some looked up to me. They were cool because they lived under a different set of rules, in my eyes, they could do anything. I had these two cousins from New York that were my absolute idols. They had it all. They had all the latest sneaks and clothes. They had the coolest music and movies and newest video games. I remember when they got their ears pierced. I wanted gold hoops in my ears so bad. They were short of Gods to me. They once gave me a hand me down outfit. I wore that shit all the time.


Growing up I had rules and limitations. They weren't as strict as some kids. I never really was the kind of kid  to hang out all night. The few times that I tried it, I was severely punished. I guess it would have been considered child abuse. I just made sure it didn't happen again, so I guess it worked. Even though I was given limitations I was also given the right to make my own decisions. As I got older I realized that what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. I did some crazy shit, but was never caught. I think my mom was sort of lenient. She new for months that I had been drinking and smoking. She told me in confidence. The only warning she gave me was not to let my father find out. He was the bad cop. He handed out the beatings. When I was too old to beat, he just kicked me out.


They treated the others a bit differently. I know for a fact that my eldest sister on my moms side is her favorite. My mom negates it all the time, but it is obvious. I do understand. When we came to the states, my mom left her at 15 to raise my other sister who was physically and mentally challenged. My sister had to become a mother. She took care off her until the day she passed. This forged a very strong bond between them. My father on the other hand felt a degree of guilt with all of his kids. Partly for leaving them young, partly for being an alcoholic the short time he was there. Even though I am the spoiled brat in all of their eyes, I'm not his favorite. My father always had high hopes for the one who chose the life of addiction. Even after he was open about his crack addiction. Even after he blamed my father for all his problems. My father never gave up on him. I hope he lives to see the day that my brother becomes king of the world like he always wished. I'm happy to say that his addiction is now in his past, now he needs to reconstruct what is left of his life.


Being a son has got to be the hardest thing. I have the most to deal with. Being the youngest and always being the closest. I now have the responsibility of being their caretaker. I have no problem with that. What I hate is that I'm always the one rushing them to the hospital when they get sick. I have to go to all the doctors appointments. One day I will have to make those phone calls. I will have to make those arrangements. I earned the right to be with them till the end. All the rest have to do is pick the phone to show there concern, and some don't even do that much.

Si deberias mantener a tus amigos cerca y a tus enemigos mas cerca. Donde debes mantener a tus familiares?

La familia siempre va ser un tema dificil. Sobre todo, you quiero a mis familiares, aunque no comparta sangre con algunos de ellos. Querer a tus familiares no necesariamente significa que te tienen que caer bien, verdad? Yo soy el menor de 10 hijos.  Como tengo algo en comun con cada uno de ellos, tambien odio algo de casi todos de ellos.

Ser hermano, hijo, primo, tio, y hasta padre aveces puede ser dificil. Alguna vez te has sentido como que no haces nada bien, o solo soy yo? El concenso general es que yo no puedo fallar en los ojos de mis padres, porque soy el menor, y los dos estan juntos. Mi papa tuvo hijos con diferentes mujeres. Mi mama fue casada dos veces, y su hija mayor la tuvo joven. Yo tuve la dicha de ser criado por los dos. Mi padre siempre estuvo alli para todos sus hijo, aunque talvez no estuviera physicamente. Yo creo y entiendo porque esto creo animosidad en contra mia.

Es cierto que siempre he sido el nino mimado, no lo puedo negar.  Siempre tuve lo que queria. Mis padres les dieron a todos sus hijos la oppurtunidad para venir a Los Estados Unidos para una vida mejor. Todos meno dos vinieron a empesar una nueva vida aqui con la ayuda de mis padres. Mi papa pago todos los gastos necesarios para que vengan aqui. Les pudo haber negado la ayuda. Hasta  pago para que viniera mi hermano con su mama, hermano y padrastro.

Tuve la situacion propia de no haber concido a casi todos mis hermanos hasta que eran adultos. Yo me crie con uno de ellos. El resto eran por lo menos adolecentes cuando los conoci. Estoy seguro que por algun movito cada uno de ellos me odiaron en alguna epoca. Nunca les hice dano intencionalmente, pero directamente o indirectamente fui la causa de su odio. Algunos se desquitaron con mi mama. Yo nunca me deje. Las pocas veces que alguien le falto el respeto a mi mama, no les hice nada porque mi mama me suplico que no me métiera. Aunque perdone nunca voy a olvidar y se que algun dia no va estar ella para pararme.

Hermanos son una cosa, pero primos son otro grupo de dolor de cabezas. Siempre me llevaba major con mis primos mas de todo porque tenian mi edad. Yo admiraba a algunos de mis primos y pienso que algunos me admiraban a mi. Los admiraba porque no vivian bajo las misma reglas que yo, en mi mente hacian lo que querian. Yo tenia dos primos que vivian en Nueva York y eran mis idolos. Lo tenian todo. Tenian los zapatos y ropa de moda. Tambien tenian la major musica y peliculas y tambien los juegos de video mas modernos. Me acuerdo quando se hicieron hoyos en las orejas. You queria ponerme argoyas de oro en las orejas como ellos. Eran casi dioses para mi. Otra vez me regalaron un traje que no les quedaba, me lo ponia a cada rato.

 Durante mi juventud yo tenia reglas y limitaciones. No eran tan estrictas como otros ninos. Yo nunca fui el tipo de muchacho que pasaba toda noche en la calle. Las pocas veces que lo intente fui severamente castigado. Me parece que le dirian ahora “abuso infantile”  Yo me propuce no volverlo hacer, parece que funciono.  Auque me daban limitaciones tanbien me dieron el poder  para hacer mis propias decisiones. Cuando entre a mi adolecencia me di cuenta de lo que no se dieran cuenta no les molestaria. Hice algunas locuritas pero nunca se dieron cuenta.  Aveces pienso que mi mama no era tan estricta con migo. Por meces ella supo que fumaba y bevia. Me dijo “entre nosotros”  La unica advertencia que me dio fue que no dejara que se diera cuenta mi papa. El era “policia malo” El es el repartia los fajasos. Cuando estaba muy grande para pegarme, que hizo, me corrio.

Trantaban a mis hermanos un poco diferente. Se por hecho que mi hermana mayor por parte de mi mama es su favorita. Mi mama lo niega, pero es ovio. Pero entiendo porque. Cuando venimos a Los Estados Unidos mi mama la dejo de 15 anos a cargo de mi otra hemana que era invalida. Mi hermana se convertio su mama. La cuido hasta que fallecio. Esto forgio una relacion muy fuerte entre ellas. Mi padre, por su lado, sentia un nivel de culpabilidad con todos sus hijos. Por dejarlos joven, y talvez por su alcoholismo. Aunque ellos piensen que soy mimado. No soy el favorito de papa. El siempre tuvo esperanzas altas para el hijo que escogio una vida de drogadiccion. No importo que fue abierto con su adiccion al crack. O que le echo la culpa de sus problemas a mi papa. Mi papa nunca perdio la esperanza. Dios quiera que llegue a ver el dia que mi hermano se convierta en el rey del mundo como el siempre a querido. Me allegro en divulgar que su adiccion es algo de el pasado, ahora tiene que recuperar la poca vida que le queda.

Ser un hijo tiene que ser lo mas dificil. Yo siempre tengo mas que preocuparme. Como soy el menor y siempre he vivido cerca. Ahora tengo la responsabilidad de cuidarlos. No me molesta eso. Lo que no me gusta es que yo siempre soy el que los tiene que llevar a la hospital cuando se enferman. Tengo que accompanarlos al las citas medicas. Algun dia yo tambien voy a ser la persona que va tener que hacer esas llamadas dificiles. Y yo sere el que va tener que hacer los arreglos. Yo me gane el derecho para estar con ellos hasta el fin. Los otros hacen su deber con solo una llamada de telefono, y algunos ni eso hacen.