I wanted to write, but didn't know what to write about. I decided to play my Windows Media Player play list on random in hopes that it would get my creative juices flowing. The first song the came up was I've got you under skin by Frankie Valli and he Four Seasons. These last few days have been very interesting. I've given the description to my new work location over 50 times. I've gotten so many heartfelt "We're going to miss yous" I don't know what the future holds for me, but this seems to be the leaf that I've been waiting to turn.
Let The Dogs Loose by Papoose featuring Busta Rhymes, Raekwon, Sheek Louch and Styles P with Kay Slay. I hadn't realized how many friends I'd made while I was in Baltimore over the last 4 years. Some people didn't even realize I had been there that long. It's funny how some people don't pay you no mind until you get ready to leave. "Congratulations!! Where are you going?" Maybe they're being nosey or maybe actually care, who knows. The ? remains by Gang Starr. So now I find myself having all these deep conversations with people I've worked with for the last 4 years, but never took the time to even say hello. All of a sudden they wanna find out everything about me.
Together by Ray Barretto. I'm going to actually miss the people more then the location. Being the kind of person I am I will remember all the conversations I've had over the past few days. Even the people that I didn't necessarily care for have almost become "aight" Maybe my positive outlook has changed my demeanor towards the world that surrounds me. I found myself being more cordial with the customers. I try my best to provide the best possible customer service. Today It didn't feel like an obligation. It came naturally. I'll do it All by Busta Rhymes.
Nymphomaniac by Travis Barker featuring Wyclef and Jim Jones. I'm trying to make sure I make my last week in Baltimore poignant and sentimental. I want my final moments with my cohorts to be based around inspirational last word monologues. I want it to be like a scene out of a movie. Instead we'll just end it on some lewd joke or an empty promise of maintaining communication. Expecting by The White Stripes. The truth is I will probably never see most of these people again. I will continue a rich Facebook relationship with a good number of them. I will like something they post every once in a while, so they know I still exist. I will definitely send them a birthday wish.
I live for Cars and Girls by The Dictators. It almost feels like my television show is ending. I've been going to the set everyday for the last four years. A good number of my life events have occurred in this location or have involved people from this location. I've even bought these people Christmas presents. I know more about these peoples lives then some of my family members. Human Being by The New York Dolls. The question in many peoples minds is, "Will I miss them" I don't know. I won't know until I don't have them around anymore. I think I will miss the familiarity most. My surroundings, my routine. I will not miss the drama. Even though there have been up an downs. I genuinely care about the people that I've shared a glimpse of my life with. I think they know more about me then they ever imagined or wanted to.
Pretty Girl Rock (Remix) by Keri Hilson featuring Kanye West. It's almost like having a bunch of brothers and sisters. We argue and bicker but at the end of the day I have their back. I don't think that anyone ever intentionally stabbed me in the back. I think that I was just misunderstood and under appreciated. Bring the Ruckus by The Wu-Tang Clan. Everything I ever did was with good intentions and for the betterment of the department. They must have expected me be an asshole. Since I wasn't, they didn't trust me. I never wanted anyone to kiss my ass, I just wanted us to work together as a team. If the department prospered we would all prosper. Instead everyone was more interested in their personal gain. Worried about what everyone else did or didn't do. Then they wonder why they are in the same place that I found them. You want the world but aren't willing do to what it takes to earn it. Resenting and passing blame doesn't get you recognized. Hard work and unity. Since I couldn't fix the problem I decided to remove myself. Jailbait by Motorhead.
"I'll fix them" says my possible replacement. "You can't fix them" They don't want to be fixed. In order to fix a person they have to be willing to accept change and have the ability to comprehend common sense. Instead they will contradict and ridicule everything you say and do. They enjoy conflict. Police Story by Black Flag. What's happens is you become frustrated and stressed out. You work harder, they work less and at the end of the day no one has to answer but you. I love them, but I can't work with them anymore. I was not the solution. Instead I fueled the problem. I think that there is a tremendous amount of potential in this team, but I don't know how to encourage them to make it flourish. I wish I had the answer.
Howling at the Moon (Sha-La-La) by The Ramones. Should I feel like I failed. Maybe I did. I didn't fix the team, but together we managed to improve the department. We surpassed sales expectations. Someone recently told me that the department wasn't designed to bring in over $25 thousand a week. We've been averaging $35 plus. Our quality standards have greatly improved. Love Hangover by Diana Ross. We have also gotten recognized more for outstanding customer service. All this with a little broken team. Imagine if they put all their differences aside and gave one hundred and ten percent, they would be golden. The Right Profile by The Clash. Do you know what being golden means? It means when positions become available they would have an advantage since they are from a great team. Instead they complain about not having opportunities. Make opportunities don't wait for them. Shut up and shine, then they will notice you.
Gimme the Loot by The Notorious B.I.G. In my eyes they are golden. That is because I can see past all the bullshit and can see what they are capable of. I wish I would have been able unleash it. I think that there is still time. I think that my leaving may help them realize how much I encouraged them to be better. I will do better. No more mister nice guy at the new location. We will succeed and we will be a shining example of what an outstanding team should be. I realize now that excellence does not always come naturally. Leading by example sometimes isn't the only way. Sometimes you have push them toward that goal. Failure is not an option. I'm responsible for our success. I will not make the same mistakes again. Welcome 2 my Hood by Papoose.
No more asking for results. They will do this and if they don't, the door is right there. I was trying to "nice" my way to infamy. I doubt General MacArthur was nice. I know that Sean "Diddy" Combs didn't "nice" his way to where he is now. I mistakenly tried to be liked instead of respected. Now I realize that I have the power to make things happen. I can have the golden team and earn their respect when they see the fruits of our labor. Dirty Rose by Sarah Greene featuring Lupe Fiasco. I have a job to do and I will do it with or without you, you decide. I think I'm finally ready to be a leader. I've always been charismatic and likable. Now I have to be stern and consistent. No more slides. No you can't come in a bit late. No you can't leave a little early. Why didn't this get done? Really? No more mister nice guy. So Ambitious by Jay Z.
I want this transition to be the beginning of the happy ending to my story. I think that if I do this right, things will change for the better for me and my family. I figure we can't struggle forever. I will succeed and open more doors. I will forget about the past. You Need Help by Mongo Santamaria. I will forget about what I did wrong. I will also stop believing that I will ride my past accomplishments for the rest of my life. No one cares. "What have done for me lately" like the song says. Reputation is nothing if you can't back it up. I will stop waiting for good thing s to happen. This life is to short to wait for a winning ticket. Girl From Ipanima by Antonio Carlos Jobim. I will do this and make more friends then enemies. I don't care if they like me, but they will respect me.
One day I will be a little old man. I will have lived a full life and gave my family everything they needed. I will never regret anything I did. The most important thing for me will be that I did what I had to do to survive and never screwed anyone. They did it to themselves I just did what I had to do. Don't forget this face, because you will see it again. Know that I appreciated you and that I will always have your back. Get At Me Dog by DMX.
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