I think I’m scared of success. I think that growth makes me nervous. I have so many things I want to accomplish but I keep making excuses. Not enough time. No money. I can’t possibly do that. At my age? Why do you do this? Self doubt is a dream killer. Why aren’t we trained to believe in ourselves? Why don’t we say to ourselves. Make time. Get the money. I can do anything. Success has no age limit. Some of us go through life and never reach our full potential. We have skills. Great ideas, but never take that first step. What are we afraid of, failure? You can fail a million times, but you only have to succeed once. The problem is you don’t know if this time you will succeed. There’s only one way to find out. You have to believe you will be successful and put all your effort into it. Taking a chance and not giving all you got is like not trying at all. If half of us took more chances and believed in ourselves more, we’d all be doing better, because the other half would see that it can be done and be inspired to try.
Trust me I know what I’m talking about. I wanted to be a DJ. I’ve wanted to be a boxer. I’ve wanted to be a chef. Now I want to be a writer. Did I ever take a paying gig? No. Did I ever step foot in a gym or a ring? No. Did I ever consider going to cooking school? No. Did I ever write? Yes. About 10 years ago I started the Ghettoblaster Blog. At the time I was inspired by a friend who took a chance and started her own blog. I had never written before. Early on I found a knack for it. Garnered a small but loyal following. I even wrote a tech crime thriller called The Protectors. People seemed to gravitate towards my real life stories especially when it involved drama and family. This created a rift with some of my family members, which I also wrote about. Then one day I decided to write about my dad. Growing up he always has great stories about his life and his career busting bootleggers and later as the head of the personal security for a powerful bank owner and socialite who hobnobbed with high government officials including the President in 1960’s Nicaragua. That story was the most read post in the history of the blog. Even the gentleman my father worked for during that era read it and sent me notes to clarify certain aspects of the story. This motivated me to possibly write a book. So I started to go more in depth with my father. I videoed our conversations and took a bunch of notes. Then I stopped. I stopped writing. I stopped thinking about writing that book. I stopped everything.
I’m famous for starting stuff and never finishing. I get so excited and then I think about the work involved and then I forget. I’m back on the blog after writing maybe a dozen posts in the last 5 years. I’ve gotten the writing bug again. Except this time I’m doing it for me. It’s part of my self care routine. I’ve even revisited the idea of writing my father’s book. He had a stroke a couple of years ago. He became a fragment of the man he once was. Thank goodness he’s made a lot of strides in his recovery. He’s walking again. That is a major improvement, considering he couldn’t move his left side after the stroke first affected him. I think it’s time I get this ball rolling while he’s still alive to see it play out. I’d love to give him a copy of his book before it’s too late. I’ve been watching a lot of videos about self publishing. It’s not as expensive or complicated as I imagined. There are a lot of things I have to learn, but resources are endless online. I think I will start the process of writing and see where it takes me. I have a lot of ideas for marketing and merchandising. I’d like to even endeavour into incorporating my own publishing company in order to publish order books and help other writers and creatives publish their first book. I think the time is now and I pray the light guides me in the right direction. I’d love to make it onto the New York Times Best Sellers List. Talk about aiming low. I figure if I’m finally gonna do it, I’d go big or go home. Aside from the actual writing I have to start looking for an editor and people to proofread, a graphic designer and someone to write my foreword. That’s not even the half. Then I have to decide which companies I will get to print versions of my book. God only knows what seeing my book on the Amazon page would do for my confidence and outlook on life. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone may not like it. As long as my dad loves it, I wouldn’t care. It’s go time. Wish me luck.
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