Metal health check. How is everybody doing? Are you good? Ok? Aight? Maybe you’re not good at all. That’s fine too. Admitting to not being ok is the first step towards addressing the issue. Most people won’t admit they’re not ok because maybe they don’t want to appear weak. Some don’t want to be that person who is always not good. There are many reasons not to be ok. Especially in today’s society. Health. Social Injustice. Cicadas. The economy. Guess what, you can not control any of those things. You have to focus on what you can control. The factors in your daily life that affect you mentally and or physically. First start at home with the now. How is your partnership holding up? Is it stronger or weaker than it once was? If it’s not what you want it to be, what are you doing to remedy the problem? Date nights, sex, gifts and money will not fix the problem. You have to start at the core.
The core being the partnership. You are half of that partnership. What is the other half thinking or dealing with? You need to have open dialogue. Communication is key. Start by asking them how they are doing? Where do they see things? What do they expect from you? Nothing will change if the person doesn’t know it needs changing. That is your person. You need to know what makes them tick. Just like they need to know what annoys you. You have to be in sync. You each can have different opinions about things, but have to respect one another’s views. Compromise is key. If one side gets their way 100% or even 60% of the time, then it’s not an even partnership. Everything should be distributed 50/50. The work, the chores, the rewards. It makes things better for everyone. So make some time to sit down with your person and lay it all out on the table. Put in writing. Make a chart. Draw a picture, but do not leave that meeting without a better understanding of who they are and what they need. Just as they should be fully aware of your expectations and needs. You'll be surprised by some of their truths but in the long run it’s better to know and work at it than ignore it and continue to build resentment between the parties.
Communication and transparency also applies to your children. Especially pre-teen and up. You are building an adult. Whether you want to accept that or not. The effort they see from you is the effort they will put forward in their endeavors. The way you treat their other parent. The way you treat them. The way you treat yourself, will all determine how they approach relationships. Your behavior, your addictions, your taste in music, it all influences them. Just like in your partnership, you should have an open dialogue with your child. Let them ask you questions. They wanna know things about you. Ask them questions. Hard questions. You’ll find out that they deal with as much stuff as you do. They absorb all the negativity in the world. So they need you to help them filter out the real from the imaginary. On the side. Your kids are a lot smarter than you were at that age. They have a world of knowledge and danger at their fingertips. The problem is that they don’t have the experience to know which is which. Kids will be curious but need us to guide them. Be open and honest. Tell them how you deal with things. Nobody is perfect. Lord knows we made mistakes, just as they will. Prepare them to know how to make better decisions. They need you.
The third area of your life that affects your mental well being is work. How do you feel about your professional life. Whether you work for someone, work from home, are self employed or even own a company. How do you think it’s going? The last year has been a detrimental year for the economy. A lot of job loss. Long time businesses closing their doors. People left without income. People left without being able to pay medical bills and rent. It’s been bittersweet that I was able to keep my job and earn a living, while others were laid off. That in itself causes stress for me personally. Working is a hard thing to do. It’s something you need to do, but you may not love to do. You get up every morning tired, sometimes in pain but go out there because you have mouths to feed and bills to pay. That wears on you, especially when you never feel appreciated or like you're getting anywhere. How do you cope with that? First make a list of things that you hate about work and things you love about work. It might be your schedule. It might be a coworker. It might be your boss. Take the hate list and address each item one by one. If it's a coworker that’s the problem. Tell them. Short and sweet. Hey you, I don't like when you do this, this , and this. It makes my day harder, so please try not to do it anymore. They’re either going to agree, disagree or ignore it. Either way, you said what you had to say. The same goes for the boss. If you feel you’re being treated unfairly. Bring it up to their face. This gives them an opportunity to explain or even apologize. Never gripe about them to other coworkers, because they love drama and they’re probably telling the boss anyway. This way it comes from your mouth and they have to address it. Now if there is any other issue. Bring it up with the correct person. If you have an issue with scheduling, talk to the person who writes the schedules. If you feel pay is an issue, talk to the person who makes pay decisions. When’s the last time you had a job evaluation? Ask them to give you one. If you want to move up? Ask them what steps you have to take to move up. If they think you’re happy, they won’t see a need to change anything. As always, be professional and follow the proper channels. Gossip and poor customer service or work ethic is not the way to show you have a real issue that needs addressing.
Now go out and do the work. Make the time. Ask the difficult questions. Demand what you want. Everything may not change overnight, but it will get the ball rolling through awareness. People will slowly consider how they interact with you and slowly but surely make the changes you need them to make, just as you will have a keener sense of their needs and expectations.
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