Her Trust

One day recently I was driving home from work , listening to a random station on Google Play. Suddenly Break My Heart by Estelle featuring Rick Ross came on. Being the hopeless romantic I am, I've always enjoyed the chorus. It goes, I just wanna love you, baby. I don't wanna waste no time. Wanna be your only one, baby. Please don't break my heart. As many times as I've heard that song, a different verse caught my attention this time.

You want me to trust you
But how can I trust you?
When I don't know the first thing about that


For some reason that verse really spoke to me. It made me think of my daughter. Mainly because she loves Rick Ross and this song, but mostly because she is a female in this crazy world we live. Which lead me to think of all the women in my life from my wife to my mother and sisters and even the random women I interact with on a daily basis.

In the song Estelle says she wants to trust but has no idea how to. Was she never thought to trust? I thought about the life of a female. She comes into the world alone and defenseless. Although the same could be said for boys, but in reality it's implied that males are stronger and protected from neglect and abuse. If she's lucky she is born into a good family with two loving parents and a family and community that keeps her safe. Unfortunately, more times it's not that simple. Financial stability, and social standing play a huge part in the determining someone's path. Things get complicated when you factor in drug addition, mental illness, physical and mental abuse. Broken people trying to raise children. They either improve on their experience or are condemned to repeat the cycle.

No matter the circumstances, she has no choice but to trust people in her life. Her parents, relatives, teachers and even the church. It's such a delicate line. Her trust in people can be broken so easily. She is so vulnerable. Her parents might be solid, but she's still in danger. Abuse is a real threat. The worst part is that there is a greater probability that the abuser will be someone she knows and trusts. Then what happens. They use that trust to buy her silence. It's their little secret. She is too young to know that it's not right. No one has told her that this could happen and that it's not OK. She's raised to to respect and trust the adults in her life.

Then she grows up. If you think all her problems are over, you're wrong. She's no longer a little girl. She's grown up in a culture of abuse and misogyny. She doesn't know what's right or who's real. Men are trying to get her attention. At this point her interactions with all the men in her life dictate how she interacts with men in her life going forward. If she had a good relationship with her father, she's looking for a man like him and thinks she'll find him. If her father neglected her, she's looking for love and acceptance and will do anything to receive that. If she was abused, she can't trust anyone. The first person to break through will either heal her or further deepen the chasm. How he treats her determines how all her relationships will be, going forward.

Aside from personal and romantic relationships, she has to protect herself from everyone else in the world. The threat of physical and mental abuse never ends. After finishing school she has to go out in to the world. She has to find a place to live, then a job. She has to ride the train and go to the grocery store and hope she won't be assaulted or attacked. God forbid she decides to love someone other than a man. "She's too pretty to be a Lesbian" "One night with me and she'll be straight again"
Although the LBGTQ+ community has come a long way, our gay and trans sisters are still in danger. There has been a rash of transgender female murders as of late. Then last week a lesbian couple was brutally attacked on a double-decker bus in London by a group of men who taunted them to make out for them.

As the father of a female, this reality worries me. I know that there will be a time where we won't be here to protect her from all the dangers in the world. As a man it is my responsibility to raise a strong and savvy woman. I can't risk her safety by sheltering her. She shouldn't live in fear, but she should be well aware that anything could happen and that she needs to be prepared for any situation. It's also my responsibility to bring awareness to the safety and well being of all our women and girls. From babies to grandmas. We need to protect our women. They are our most important natural resource. They will also determine the future of humanity, literally. Aside from birthing the next generation, women are becoming future leaders of industry and political powerhouses.

Women are a force to be reckoned with, but if they don't have the confidence they need they will never thrive. Confidence comes from feeling like you can do anything, which comes by feeling safe and protected. Knowing that people will not hurt you or second guess you. If she can't trust the world she lives in in, she can't trust her own instincts and instead she shuts down and shuts out all possibilities. Most importantly we need to teach them that trust is OK, but also how to trust and who to trust. They have to understand that some people will disappoint them. Them them to find her tribe and identify the people that will help raise her to greater heights.