Where are you? [uncensored rant]

Where the fuck are you? I've been waiting for 32 years and nothing. I know everyone preaches that you must appreciate what you have, because others have it worse. That's bullshit. I spend my life struggling. I keep thinking that sooner or later you'll make your presence known. They say to have blind faith. I don't think I can believe anymore in nothing. Everyday is the day I hope things will change for the better. Everyday I am disappointed. I don't think at this point anything will ever change. You spent my blessings on someone else and don't know how to tell me. I don't want to be a millionaire, but damn can you pay a bill once in a while. Sallie Mae keeps blowing up my phone, answer the shit dude. 

My life continues to deteriorate everyday. Financially, my health, and my sanity. I have nothing to cling to. My hope is officially over. If your so omnipotent keep me from drowning in my sorrows. No one ever sees the dark side. Everyone thinks that they can use me forever. I'm only a man. Not a god and with out you I'm finding myself closer to the edge, I bet if I jump, your not going to be there to catch me. Yet everyone else is doing well. Living the life. I on the other hand wish that I didn't wake up tomorrow. Nobody would care anyway. It'll never happen though. You want to continue to see me suffer and point and laugh. I'm just a puppet sent here to dance. Today is just another day in many where my soul slowly evaporates. Death is upon me.

So, where are you? Not here. You forgot about me. Now I have nothing. Just get it over with already. There is no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. I will never finish this marathon. I will continue to run until my body gives in and I collapse in a heap. Why even bother to try anymore. No one appreciates my fight. I'm just a freak show. Ignore me and I'll go away. I hope your happy. God, your a real peace of work.

Disclaimer: This does not mean I'm suicidal or losing my faith in God. It's just something I felt like writing. If you take it the wrong way, my apologies.