Year in review 2017

All week I've been thinking about what I wanted to write about this year. If you're not keeping track, I didn't write a year in review for the last couple of years.

There is so much I want to say. I'm not trying to go full political. Part of me wants to go full autobiographical. Another part of me wants it to be satirical. I never plan on being inspirational. I just try to tell the truth.

Here's to another year of uncertainty.

Where to start?

Let's just address the elephant in the room. Fuck Donald Trump and everyone responsible for putting him in office.
I'm over trying use reason to show his supporters that he is not fit to make decisions concerning our healthcare, taxation, foreign policy, and immigration.

I'll just tell you why I hate the guy.

He's an anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-woman sexual predator that is making decisions for us that only benefit his business interests. He gives a flying fuck about the middle class. The middle class can't afford to stay in any of his hotels. He is a Nazi sympathizer. He also endorsed a child molester that thinks that during slavery the American family was stronger. These are just a few of the many ways I hate your president.

That's enough about that.

There are so many negative things I want to write about, but I start to think about all the people that have it ten times worst than me and can only pray for a life like mine. I also think about how things could suddenly get ten times worse for me. 

A couple of days ago I was so angry that the year was ending. First of all it went by too fast. The real reason was that I felt no progress in my life. Depending on who you ask, I may have gone backwards.

I have all the intentions in the world to be a good man and continue to thrive and evolve. This is the first year where I felt that my life was in a true stalemate. It feels like no matter what I do, I fail. I'm one move away from certain death.

When you've been who you are for 38 years and you're generally likeable, it's hard to understand how all of a sudden your a pariah. Every day I get up and go to a job that I love and hate. Lately I've been contemplating whether my professional ascent has ended. I think I've met my match. I'm one talking to, away from the door. I guess it's for the best. My team isn't exactly going to miss me when I'm gone.

This year I also celebrated 15 years with my wife. It's weird because the more years together, the less your remember why you chose to be with that person in the first place. You're not sure if we're still together because you both want to be or is it because you're both old and don't want to deal with whatever dating looks like today. Are you both accustomed to each other's bullshit and  just learned to accept it and love it. Sometimes, you don't even know if the other person is going to miss you when you're gone.

My daughter turned 13 this year. I'm finally accepting that my daughter is well on her way to womanhood. I still hate it. Her body is developed but still thinks like a child.  That shit scares the fuck out of me.  I know men are looking. I hope she never stops idolizing me and believing everything I say. I hope she will always feel that she can tell me anything. I also hope she comes to me when shit happens. I think that I'm going to miss her more than she's gonna miss me when I'm gone.

I lost a lot of friends this year. The problem is that some don't know it yet or I haven't realized it yet. This year I realized I hate everybody, except for most family and like few guys and a handful of ladies that I've known forever. Humanity is in a fiery spiral to hell. People have no respect for each other in any capacity. Life is no longer cherished.

Overall 2017 was a cluster fuck of disappointments and WTF moments. We deserve a do-over. They took some more of my favorite singers, rappers and musicians to make it worse.

It wasn't all bad. I promise that one day I'll look back and realize that it wasn't all bad. For now, we'll just refer to it as "the year I didn't die"

I guess I have to state my wishes for 2018.

This year I want to live a healthier life. I want to put more effort In fortifying my relationships with my wife and daughter. I also want to be more out going. I want to be a hustler like my friend Spook. He once told me to move into a higher income bracket, like it was as simple as saying it. At the moment I thought is sounded crazy, but I'm beginning to realize that it's the only way to ensure a better future for my family. Its importing tho know that there are people who were worse off than me have gone on to be wealthy and successful. They did what they had to do to control their destiny. This year I want to stop making excuses for being a failure. I'm going to go get what I deserve. I also want start telling it like it is all the time.

Fuck feelings. I want to be the truth, so  I have to start telling the truth. I want to be respected because they want to, not have to.

Fuck the struggle. I want to be more financially sound and savvy. I want to stop barely making ends meet. I want to stop feeling guilty about spending money.

Fuck dying at forty. I want to stop smoking. I want to be able to walk up steps without breathing hard. I want to feel comfortable in my clothes. I also want to live long enough to witness and enjoy my success.

Go out and make 2018 everything  you wished 2017 had been. Work harder to be happy. Stop doing just enough to get by. Cherish your loved ones while you still can. Stop trying to meet everyone's expectations of you. Set your own standards and make sure they are higher than your detractors' standards. Show gratitude to everyone. Stop assuming the  world is out to get you.

Last but not least.

Have fun. Life is short to be in a shitty mood all the time.

Thanks for reading.

Peace and love to you all.