100%

I started writing this two days ago. I then got a phone call from my boss. This call made me not want to finish anything I was doing. I even pondered not writing anymore. There is nothing that brings me down more that someone questioning my work ethic and integrity. I just listened to him speak. I didn't want to argue or question him. I then got off the phone and went straight to bed.


Have you ever been so mad, that you don't feel like doing anything else ever again? You just want to sleep. It wasn't even bed time yet. I jumped up out of my pants, proceeded to the bathroom to remove my lens and got under the covers. I hate being blamed for anything, even when it's warranted. Yes you are right, When they came the other day, we did not look 100%. I apologize that you were reprimanded because of it. Did you tell them that there is no way in hell we could have looked 100% with only 2 people setting a department that takes at least 4 people to set properly. Not to mention that we hadn't received any of the product that they expected to see. It's frustrating to know that your giving your all and you still fail. I hate to fail. I hate to blame anyone else or give excuses. It's easy to walk through the door and point out whats wrong. I'de been there since 4 am and had yet to catch up. I've learned my lesson. I start working at 2 am tomorrow. It'll give me more to time to ensure that we look 100% every morning. It's called rolling with the punches.

After I laid down two nights ago, I started thinking about looking for another job. I took the conversation I had with my boss as the beginning of the end. He knows what we're working with. Why would he even bring it to my attention. I could understand if we had 4 plus guys setting up and we still looked rough. You know we've been short handed since week 3. I figured that they would start knit picking as they often do. A conversation becomes a reprimand then a write up, so fourth and so on. You don't have to waste your time or your ink, I can take a hint, I'm gone!! That's what was running through my mind as I laid under the covers. I went back to work the next day. I put my best foot forward, still with 2 of us, and still was not redeemed. Yesterday I tried again. It was better, but not 100%. Today I opened with the boss and someone else. What do you know? The place looked pretty good. Of course no one would come today to check us out.

Now that I'm over that I can go back to what I started. It's been over a week and have yet to see any significant change. I've learned to deal with it. I can wear my contacts. I can eat and drink with minimal spillage. Speech is improving. I still can't pronounce F's and P's but I've learned to compensate. The one thing I've started doing, which I try not to, is cover my mouth when I speak. I'm not sure if it's self-conscious or fear that I will  spit. I'm only doing when I speak to strangers or someone I don't speak to often. I went to the Ear Nose and Throat Doctor on Thursday. She seemed a bit dry, but competent. She examined me. My two favorite parts of the examination were when she stuck steel hooks in my nostrils and twisted up, and that she wore one of the head strap shiny discs on her forehead. She continued me with the steroids and added an anti-viral. I think the pharmacist thinks I have a VD. Other then the medicine she scheduled me for an MRI. I have to go back next week after I get the MRI done. This time I took some still shots to demonstrate my range of movement. If you scrool down slowly , it looks like I'm eating something extremely sour, in slow motion.


Straight face




Eyes closed




Blinking




"Smiling"



Wide open



"Smiling" from the left side




It's me!!