God

Do you believe in God? Do you believe in religion? Do you believe in the church?
Are you an atheist? What is an atheism?

STOP

Have you ever stopped to wonder, what would happen if you stopped? Stopped going to that job you hate? Stopped putting up with people's bullshit? Stopped putting yourself last? Stopped caring about people who don't give a shit about you? Stopped putting your time and effort into people and things that aren't benefiting you?

After you stop, you can begin. You can begin to see how things really are. You can begin to see how people truly feel about you. You can begin to see your true value. You can begin to see how much you were sacrificing. You can begin to see the toll on your health and well being.

I've been working for same nationally recognized natural and organic grocer for the past 15 years. I was fortunate enough to encounter a culture of support and the possibility of growth. I was able to learn a trade and become a butcher. With time I was given the opportunity to rise into management. I was young and willing to do what it took to stand out and be noticed. It was also a different time. We were unique in the industry. We wrote our own ticket back then.

Over the last 10 years the industry began to shift. More people began doing what we were doing. Some even better than us. They urged us to focus on customer service, but the consumer wanted value which they could receive elsewhere without the pretentiousness. Nobody really cares where our olive oil comes from anymore when they can get the same olive oil for half price at a competitor.

Then the lay offs happened. They got rid of all instore marketing, healthy eating, and eventually artists. The department's that made us stand out over the years. About 6 months later they announced the buyout. We found out the same day it was announced. Some of us speculated, but we were sure it would be a grocery company. We were bought out instead by a internet conglomerate known for online shopping. The richest man in the world now owns us. What does that men for the brand?

Those of us that have been around for a while we knew that this was the beginning of the end. So far most of the changes have come behind the scenes. They reduced prices on hundreds of staples. They created a weekly discount program linked to their premium membership, but aside from their instore delivery service everything stayed the same on the public side. Behind the scenes expectations changed. Everything became about the bottom line. Make more, spend less. They introduced all these cost cutting and efficiency measures. It wasn't as simple as just doing it. You had to be certified and undergo weekly inspections. It was very strict. Many of my counterparts stepped down due to the added pressure. Sure management did not give any concessions. It was their opportunity to weed out the people they weren't particularly fond of.

As a manager I always gave people the benefit of the doubt. In my mind we are all adults. Grown men and women with bills and responsibilities. Why do I have to tell you what to do everyday. Why do I have to stand over you. With the new expectations store leadership started micromanaging. They looked at things they never noticed before. It became almost comical. I did my best to prepare my team and get everyone on board. They decided to put my team and under the microscope in order to either find a reason to fire me or pressure me to quit.

Then Thanksgiving came along. In a facility as old and as limited in space as ours, you had to be creative around the holidays to be able to fit the excess product and still maintain an organized and tidy department and maintain all the new standards. Nobody in management paid attention on how we struggled the last two year's to work with what we had. You organize the best way you can and hope nothing major happens. This time, instead of receiving all of our holiday product in one drop they sent 4 pallets a day for 2 weeks and we were 4 men down from last season. The other difference was that management lived in our coolers. Constantly criticizing our organizational practices. They made a new habit of calling my regional manager so he could come see the mess. While this was happening, I began experiencing issues with my right hip and leg. I thought I piled something breaking pallets. It got so bad that I decided to go to urgent care, something, that if you know me, I've never done.

I powered through Thanksgiving, my condition getting progressively worse. They reprimanded me after Thanksgiving. It was another nail in my coffin. At this point I either quit or find another location. The thing is I could hardly walk. The week of Christmas I decided to take leave and focus on recovery. I was out until mid January. When I got back I was relieved of my management duties and allowed only to cut meat. It was great. A great pressure had been lifted off my shoulders. Then they began to pressure me to leave or it would be a matter of time before I would be fired.

That's when everything became crystal clear to me. Nobody, not my team, not my managers gave a shit about me. They didn't care about the years I gave them or about my health. They just wanted someone else to kick around. I lost all respect for those people and the company frankly. Unfortunately I was not a position to walk away. I made decent money, had tenure, and knew starting from scratch anywhere else would put me way further down the latter I wanted to be. I sent an email to some of my counterparts and announced I was stepping down and looking to strictly cut meat and I only needed 4 shifts a week.

The response was overwhelming. One of the stores manager, I worked for years ago immediately showed interest. Offered a fair wage above my other prospects. The manager of the department was one of my mentors coming up in the industry so I knew it was a perfect fit. After taking another week off I finally was able to start at my new location. The team is great. They are respectful and hardworking. All I have do is my 8 hours and go home. Everybody does the same. I couldn't ask for a better situation.

So basically in the last 3 months I traded in an impossible situation for a comfortable existence. I work doing what I love 4 days a week. I traded in the extra day to start a small internet business doing the other thing I love to do. I buy and sell vinyl records online. I had a huge collection and realized that I was only listening to about 25% of it. I decided to sell some off to people who would actually enjoy then. I've done better than I expected in the short period of time. This new venture allows me to bring income with almost no physical labor. The hard part is getting in the car and driving to the post office. I also get to spend more time at home with the family.

Overall my current situation is a positive one. Especially on my health. I still have the aches and pains that come with being 40, and holding all this weight up for 8 hours a day. Nothing in comparison to the emotional and psychological abuse I felt  on a daily basis in my previous situation. Nothing, not money, not stature, nothing is more important that peace of mind, health and self worth. If you feel defeated everyday, that job is not worth it. Find a situation that agrees better with your needs and lifestyle.

2019 The Year of The Business

I've been doing at lot of thinking about the future lately. Going over what went wrong. How I got to where I am today. I realized that I mismanaged my assets. I wasted my time, and what do they say about time? Time is money. Not only by not being productive, but by giving it away for free to people who didn't value it. I underappreciated myself and what I bring to the table. People will take and take if you let them. It's not until you recognize your value, that you begin to understand the power that it gives you over them. It's time that you start thinking of yourself as a CEO of the company that is your life.

My year end recap 2018

2018 comes to its bitter end in approximately 14 hours. Based on the memes and social media in general,  2018 was not a kind year to most. It left the general population with a bad taste in their collective mouths.

The Hypocrisy of Sexual Assault

Since the advent of the Hollywood rape accusation there have been many actors,  directors, producers, even journalists accused of sexual assault and even rape. Years before Bill Cosby’s first accusation there were many Hollywood elite that were accused but simply made these accusations disappear. Men in power, such as actors, politicians, and athletes have always believed that they were entitled to many things with this new found power, including sex with the woman of their choosing, whether it was consensual or not.

The common factor in many of these cases  was that the women were guilted into believing that what happened was their fault and shamed into silence. It wasn't until Harvey Weinstein and the #metoo movement that women were emboldened to speak their truth. They collectively realised that what happened was not their fault and owe nothing to their attacker by the feeling that they needed to protect their public image.

Before I continue, I need to make it clear that rape is never the victim's fault. It has nothing to do with how the victim dressed, acts, or how drunk or high they are. No always means no. If you ever take advantage of anyone in that situation especially a child, you are a coward and deserve to rot in prison and later in hell. I don't give a fuck if you're the President of The United States, a big shot Hollywood director,  a respected actor or a championship athlete. Rape is rape. It's a crimes no matter who you are.

After Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby the accusations came tumbling in. Males and females taken advantage of by people in a position of power. What makes me angry is how people decided to pick and choose who they believe could commit these heinous crimes. For instance, Roy Moore was accused by more than one victim of sexual assault when they were minors, yet people disregarded the accusations as false in order to disrupt his campaign and voted for him anyway. Donald Trump has had numerous accusations over the years, and even was recorded saying he “would grab them by the pussy” and still his base disregarded the victim's and elected him president.

When the accusations towards Bill Cosby were too many to ignore, people were divided into two schools of thinking. There's no way he would do that, he’s Bill Cosby. They're just trying to ruin his legacy. The other half felt that there had to be some credence to the accusations and felt that any investigation would have to be conducted before condemning the accusers or the accused. Many of the other persons accused, especially in the news, promptly stepped down and attempted to make amends. Even since yesterday, Harvey Weinstein has turned himself over to the authorities based on numerous rape accusations. Then today we hear about Morgan Freeman. Almost immediately there is outrage over the news. Not because he may have committed a crime, but because some people feel that someone is trying to besmirch his reputation as a Hollywood icon. No one has considered that these are serious allegations. That the court of public opinion is not here to decide whether or not he is guilty. That’s what the legal system is for. We also cannot disregard the victim. Yes there have been false accusations in the past, but we can't pick and choose when we believe or not.

Hypocrisy - the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform

Sexual assault - is a term that refers to unwanted sexual act against or without a person's consent. This type of assault encompasses more than violent physical incidents-sexual assault refers to any sexual, physical, verbal or visual act that forces a person against their will to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention

National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673

The Divisive States of America

I was born in 1979 in Managua, Nicaragua, Central America. Just weeks after the Sandinista revolution came into power. My father was affiliated to the previous government, so he traveled to Costa Rica to lay low. At the time many men affiliated to the Somoza dictatorship where jailed or worst. My dad suspected that he would be persecuted, so he left before things got out of hand. He left my mom very pregnant with me and my older brother and sisters. In her condition it was dangerous for my mother to travel plus the neighborhood would get suspicious if we all left at once. It didn't stop them from outing my father and my family. She had her run ins with soldiers looking for my dad but by the grace of God, things never escalated.

In 1982 my father had spent 2 years alone in the Washington DC area preparing for us to join him. He like us had passed the border illegally. We later all qualified for amnesty because of the war in Nicaragua. After crossing the Mexican American border with someone else's green cards we spent 2 weeks with a family in Texas until my father was able to buy us plane tickets to fly home. I was a month shy of 3 when I met my father again. I still remember him wearing his Ray Ban shades when he picked us up at National Airport. We lived in Northeast Washington DC when we  first arrived. We were some of the first Nicaraguan families in the area. We would eventually relocate to Langley Park, MD.

When we lived in DC, we were one of the only Hispanic families on the block. The first kids we played with were African American. They never treated me differently. After moving to Maryland, there were more Hispanic families in our vicinity. Back in the early 80’s Langley Park had experienced White flight. Many Central Americans and Caribbean families had moved in alongside a few African American families that stayed. Since those days the demographic has changed to mostly Mexican, Salvadoran, and African immigrants. I'm the mid eighties we moved to Beltsville which was also an integrated area but wealthier that our previous address.

Today, I am an American citizen. I've lived in the United States for 36 years. My parents were both citizens, they retired and moved back home. During my lifetime there were 3 separate Republican administrations and 2 Democrat. Yet I have never felt discriminated against or been made felt like unwanted by 27% of American voters. I am an immigrant and I stand by all those families torn apart by this administration's unfavorable disposition towards immigration. Not only was this great nation founded on the sacrifice of immigrants from all reaches of the earth but immigration in the 20 century had boosted the economy. Agriculture has thrived because of migrant workers. Not to mention the countless companies and small businesses owned and operated by immigrants the children of immigrants across America. Unfortunately all of this progress is regressing based on the anti-immigrant and xenophobic rhetoric that has been injected into the American consciousness by our current administration. Suddenly being racist is considered a part of being a real American. Not respecting people's religious rights is also American. People think they can talk down to hardworking immigrants that choose to speak Spanish because there no official language in the United States of America. There is nothing in the Constitution that states that we have to speak English. English isn't even our native language. Cherokee is more American than English.

They accuse us of violating the Constitution by simply wanting a better life for our children. When in actuality the Constitution was written to open our doors to people who were persecuted and wanted the ability to think, live and work freely. They even created a bill of rights. That does not say that we were all equal unless we came from another country. The only right they are will to fight for is the second amendment, so they can have the right to kill us if they feel threatened by our presence. The problem is that they are always threatened by our presence. Not just immigrants either. They see anyone who is not white and male as a second class citizen. America is no long the great land of opportunity it once was.

Khakis and a button down

I'm a 38 year old married father. I work in the grocery business. Most days I work inside a refrigerated walk in cooler. When I work I wear a butcher's coat and a red apron over my street clothes.

In the course of about the fifteen years I've become a tee shirt and jeans kind of guy. If I dress up, it's for a wedding. Which means that every time there is a wedding I have to buy an outfit to wear, because the last suit, dress shirt, slacks and or blazer I bought doesn't fit anymore. I don't comb my hair most days because of my standard issue logo adorned baseball cap. So when I decide to "dress up" people don't know what to make of it, but I'll come back to that.

Once upon a time, I was a shirt and tie and pocket square kind of guy. First, when I sold cars and then when I ran a bus station. I owned a wide array of suits, dress shirts, ties, vests, slacks, dress shoes and belts. I even had a pocket watch. I took pride in dressing well.

The challenges then and now were to find affordable quality apparel in my unique dimensions. In other words, I realized quickly that most suits in my size were either black or blue. Everything else seemed to be overpriced. I remember belts in my size that could handle the daily wear and tear were 60 bucks and up. Don't get me started on "Big & Tall" shops and online stores. We're talking 50 dollar shirts, hundred dollar pants and 300 to 600 coats.

Recently my interest in dressing well saw a resurgence. I guess it started when I watched the new Queer Eye on Netflix. Many of the subjects were regular, hard working family men who got into a rut and forgot how good it felt to look good. They got used to easy and familiar, so didn't make any effort. After witnessing the transformations, I realized that it wasn't as complicated as it seems. Every guy got a cut and a shave. They bought them collard shirts that could go from casual to dinner date, based on the type of pant and footwear and a standard blazer. It occurred to me that I didn't need to hire a tailor to dress better. What inspired me most was the change in the way they saw them selves. They way they interacted with their loved ones and there willingness to embrace the change.

It's interesting that in society today,  wearing a collard shirt with some khakis is "dressing up" It fascinates me when I look at pictures of men in the first half of the 20th century. Men wore slacks and a shirt and tie. Not just business men, or rich men. Butchers, barbers, even shop keeps. In the early days of commercial flight it was considered a luxury, so when a man boarded a plane, he wore a suit. Athletes wore suits when traveling to games. Athletic clothing wasn't a thing until the 60's. Prior to athletic wear, there was sport attire.
Even young men's attire was dressier. It included a shirt, slacks, a vest and a news boy cap.

Fast forward to today. Monday's are my office day. I usually spend my day reconciling the previous week and planning for the current week. I sit at my desk for at least 6 hours, which might not seem like much to some. Yesterday, I decided to buy some khakis to wear today with a dress shirt or a polo. So I wore my new khakis, a striped blue button down long sleeved shirt. Tucked in of course and some gum bottom Pumas. Topped it off with a vintage Kangol wool cap and a canvas messenger bag. It really wasn't  that dressy. I saw it more as business casual. One of reasons I chose to dress was because I have "face to face" financial meetings with my bosses on Mondays. I felt that if I wanted to be taken seriously when talking business, it wouldn't hurt to look the part.

When I got to work. Most people didn't really notice. I did get compliments on my jacket, hat and total look.  The men had the most questions. I got the awkward, "what are you dressed up for?" or "what are you dressed like that for?" Like what?Then there was the, "are you going to court?" or "you got a date after work?"
Depending on who asked, I catered my response. I told one of my bosses, "so I feel like a man when I'm being denigrated in our meeting today" I told another guy, "I dressed up for you" My favorite was, "because I'm a man"

Overall it was a cool social experiment. In my meeting, I definitely felt that my bosses were more open to my ideas and complimentary. I spoke with confidence. They looked me in the eye when I spoke and I didn't leave that room feeling brow beaten as i have on other occasions. It convinced me to do it again next Monday and whenever I have another meeting. As I build my wardrobe, I may end up dressing the part everyday and maybe inspire other guys to do the same.