Where are you? [uncensored rant]

Where the fuck are you? I've been waiting for 32 years and nothing. I know everyone preaches that you must appreciate what you have, because others have it worse. That's bullshit. I spend my life struggling. I keep thinking that sooner or later you'll make your presence known. They say to have blind faith. I don't think I can believe anymore in nothing. Everyday is the day I hope things will change for the better. Everyday I am disappointed. I don't think at this point anything will ever change. You spent my blessings on someone else and don't know how to tell me. I don't want to be a millionaire, but damn can you pay a bill once in a while. Sallie Mae keeps blowing up my phone, answer the shit dude. 

Done (with this isht)

My hand is numb. I'm feeling chest pains. I don't know what to do. My zest for life is slowly dying. I think I'm done. Done with everything. I've done it all, and it's never enough. Why do I even write a schedule? I never stop working, "days off", what are those? I'm done. Trying to be everything I'm not. My brain is slowly falling into a coma. There is nothing that excites me anymore. I'm done writing, buying, selling, painting, living, and even loving. I can't give love, if I don't know what it is in the first place. Read my obituary tomorrow and share it on facebook. I'm done hitting the "like" button. It's all bullshit anyway. Nobody really "likes" me or what I have to say. Its all an illusion. You only matter while your giving all you got. I'm done. My body can't take much more of this. If you remeber me tomorrow remember one thing, nothing matters but what you do for people right now. Tomorrow doesn't matter, yesterday even less. I'm done, God bless.